Inventory Revisited
We spent yesterday surveying our souls, asking the probing question, "Where am I with God?" We wanted to locate ourselves in relation to Him. Our assignment was to condense our answer to a word or a very short phrase. We're going to stay here for another day. As we do, we will attempt to approach the question from another direction, or maybe more accurately, from another source.
By this point in the fast you may be sensing some internal movement. One way that movement reveals itself is through emotions. You may be noticing a greater emotional intensity. Things feel more. For me, I'd say I am feeling something of an emotional rawness. My sadness is sadder, almost to the point of grief. At the same time, little points of joy and hope feel so joyful and hopeful!
What's that all about? I believe God speaks to us through our emotions. Unfortunately, most of us have so much emotional wreckage that we have not learned how to probe our emotions the way God desires. Some of us stuff emotions. Others deny them. Still others explode. We tend to see an emotion as an end in itself rather than a pathway of discovery. We say things like, "I'm so mad" but have no real idea why. We may have a sense of emotional lightness, but do not give the reason much thought.
The evangelical tradition lays another whole layer of complexity upon our perceptions of emotion. We are people of facts. We focus on objective truth. Emotions are subjective and can be seen as misleading. Emotions have been depicted at the caboose on a three-car train. The engine is truth and the coal car is faith. Decouple emotions, the caboose, and the train can still ride (though rather joylessly). Emotions are nice, but not necessary is the thinking.
There was a wise theologian from years past who taught those he was discipling to pay especially close attention to emotions. He saw them as a way to get at the question, "Where am I with God?" He called on people to do a short, ten-minute review of the day. They were to focus on what he called consolation and desolation, lighter moments and darker moments. We might ask, "For what was I most grateful today?" and "For what was I least grateful?"
As you continue your inventory, think about what you are feeling. Anger? Sadness? Joy? Delight? Flat? Ecstatic? Down? Sit in that emotion's space. What are your dominant feelings this day? As you work through them, ask yourself what this tells you about your relationship with God. I suspect yesterday we answered that question with our heads. Now let's take it to the heart.
Today's Prayer
Identify an emotion or two that you are feeling and pray from that space. That's what David did in the Psalms. When he was sad or felt defeated, he lamented. He cried with joy. He smiled in satisfaction. Use that emotion as a starting point for your conversation with God. Talk to Him about how you feel (or maybe don't feel).
Final Thought
This could be a practice you add to your daily routine. Take ten minutes toward the end of the day for an emotional review. I'd encourage it especially for those of us who have a hard time identifying and expressing our feelings.
A Song
Here's another soul-soaking moment. Let it wash over you.